Through the years of teaching preschool, especially, I learned to become bolder, which helped me to talk about the things of my heart; to be open about my relationship with Jesus and helped me to release the songs in my CD, Songs in the Night. Because of my experience with children, often I notice the "child" in grownups. I will always be grateful for the personal growth I received in teaching preschool age children. Their honest approach to life, combined with their unconditional love and unabashed feelings has taught me so much about remaining childlike as an adult. Lately, I've been thinking about what it really means to be child like. I believe it has everything to do with trust.
I had no idea of the journey ahead when I answered "Yes" to God about living out loud. I really had no idea really why I ever felt the desire to blog. When I set it up, my opinion was that I had nothing specific I really wanted to share. And then suddenly there was something...
Once again, I am writing a difficult entry. It does help to talk about it. I know many have been waiting with us for the new prognosis of my surgery in Sept. Some, will be completely surprised because I have not been blogging. So many of you have been praying for me and for my family this year. I want to thank you. The love and encouragement spoken into our lives through all that we have faced has been greatly needed and deeply appreciated. Through out this year we have spent literally months of waiting on the unknown with no resolve. How we prayed, wished and hoped it would somehow end. We did have a few months of not thinking about cancer. We do hope that we will, in time, be blessed with that kind of bliss again.
We were very surprised in the last CT scan in July when 2 areas of new growth showed up. They were removed through surgery, September 9th and just this last Friday, 5 weeks later, the prognosis has finally come in. It wasn't what we hoped for. Because of the recurrence and fast growth they have modified the prognosis. As we understand it, the tumors are a certain DNA tissue that later as they grow become cancer. At present the tumors are gone and everything looks clean. The concern is the possibility that there are still microscopic negative cells sprinkled about. I had a complete hysterectomy because the tumors were proven estrogen reactors (estrogen grown). At present, the plan is to remove all estrogen and radiation is being strongly considered. We have lots of questions and see the oncologists this Thursday. Prayer for continued wisdom for the doctors and over our future decisions is appreciated very much. Interesting, though God is not removing this trial for the moment, He so surrounds us! We have such hope. Darcy and I are experiencing His hand at every turn, at every decision. Everything we need He is providing. We feel so loved. There is a lot of joy.
I want to share with you what the Lord is saying to me. It is all about trusting in Him. What the enemy means for evil, God means for good. One day He said to me that he wanted me to remain childlike because His ways were higher than my ways and He asked me if I would trust Him. I said, "like a five year old?" He said, "younger"..."Like a three year old?" He said, "younger". Then, He showed me my niece. Sweet little Brooklyn's face, only months old as she was bathed and dressed, fed and kissed...her every need met. He said, "like that. I'm going to take care of everything". A heavy weight lifted off my heart and mind that day. It's a place I discipline myself to remain in. Wow! That I don't have to figure things out is a relief to me! I have over analyzed my whole life and He has taken that heavy responsibility off my shoulders each time I let Him have it.
The other thing is that it's not at all about the darkness but everything about the light.
Who is this marvelous light who lives inside of us?
His name is Jesus.
"Because Your loving-kindness is better than life, my lips shall praise You.
So will I bless You while I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name.
My whole being shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness;
And my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips.
When I remember You upon my bed and meditate on You in the night watches
For You have been my help
And in the shadow of Your wings will I rejoice.
My whole being follows hard after You and clings closely to You;
Your right hand upholds me."
Psalms 63:3-8
No comments:
Post a Comment